I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
