sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i wish my penis had a tongue
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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