I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
