Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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