thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
