btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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