we're chasing vodka with high fives
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
