woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
