He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
