I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
i think i just lost a toe
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
