im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just had sex bonerless
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
