What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
