Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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