Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
