I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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