There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
