Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
