trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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