Where is the hickey?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
