Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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