That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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