this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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