Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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