I just pynch a tree in the face
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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