Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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