Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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