miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
only you would photoshop your dick
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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