my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
