you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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