I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
