you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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