Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
