Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
