i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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