I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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