"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
