Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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