absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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