life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
