You smell like stripper and shame
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
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