We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
