So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
