We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
