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Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size