Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.