I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me