Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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