he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
