I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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