Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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