why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
