we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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