I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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