the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
