Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
