my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
