I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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