Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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