omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
