i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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