Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
