So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
