She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
