AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
