thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
