Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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