By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
