one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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