Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
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