3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
