Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
