Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
