jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
