u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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