woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
