I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
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I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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