Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
