It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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