He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
