onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
