I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
