I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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