My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
