wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
