Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
