Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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